My First 5K, or The Epic Battle Between My Pride And My Legs

So on my diet blog I talked about my first 5K race and a 10K hiker's challenge that I did recently (That post can be found HERE). In said post, I talked about how empowering it was, and how I loved every minute of it. It was empowering... after it was over. Here's the true story of the 5K (I'll do the 10K in another post):




So I saw this link on my Facebook feed advertising a St Patty's Day Fun Run (so it wasn't REALLY a race), and I thought to myself, "I've always wanted to do one, why not?" So I bribed a friend (fellow blogger Alayna) into doing it with me, because, really, it's not worth it if you can't drag someone else into your misery, right? So we dressed up in green, and headed out.

We were a little nervous before it started, and when I say "a little," I mean I was about to puke up lunch from three days before.  I felt as if my face were as green as my shirt.

Sorry it's so small, as usual, click to enlarge! (heh, that's what she said!)

Once the race started, we started jogging, after a while (I don't know how long it was, but it felt like FOR-EV-ER!) Alayna said, "Okay, I need to walk!" I silently thanked my lucky stars.

You see, I'm not as fit as I let people think I am. When most people talk about doing athletic stuff, I say "Heck, yes! I'm all over that shit!", but I'm actually thinking, "Shit, I'm never gonna make it; and if I don't make it, I'm going to embarrass myself; and if I embarrass myself in front of everyone, I'm going to cry in front of everyone; and if I cry in front of everyone..." and so on and so forth. But I digress. I'll save that for another post.

Being the good friend that I am, I kept pushing Alayna. I would say things like, "Just run to that sign, then we can walk!" You see, I have a BIG ego. I mean massive. Comparing my ego to a normal person's is like the fabled comparison of African-American men's "equipment" to Caucasian men's "equipment" (nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean?). So I had to act like this was nothing for me!

Alayna kept saying stuff like "I'm sorry I'm holding you back, you can go on without me!" I would respond with stuff like "No! We're in this together!" Our dialogue started to sound like a crappy, cheesy film about a romantic tragedy. Hey... I think I just described the plot of Titanic....

In truth, I couldn't leave Alayna behind. No, I was not being noble or anything. I just didn't want to reveal my wimpy-ness.

This is a more accurate depiction of how I felt:

In the end, we finished it in just under an hour. And we weren't last! Hey, that's a big thing for a chubby girl like me!


And you can't beat these smiles:

Bet you were wondering about the green stuff under the eyes in my drawings.... I actually had green stuff under my eyes!

So, in the end, yes it was empowering. And yes, I had a blast! No, Alayna, I don't hold any ill feelings towards you, and I am looking forward to tomorrow's 5K! Yes, people, I had so much fun I'm going to do it again!

I will write soon about last Saturday's 10K hike!

May I "Jam" it up your ______?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's been a while. Stop nagging, Mom! I'll call you soon!

Anywho, sorry about taking so long to post. I've been busy doing other things like writing my daily diet blog, and some other things that I have talked about over there.

Today, I have a story for you. Anyone who knows me personally already knows this story, but that's ok. There's something towards the end of this post for them (that means there's a point to me telling it again).

Many, many moons ago (more like 5 or 6 years ago), a friend (I'll call her "Punky" since she's kind of a punk rocker) invited me to a party at her house. She called it a "Let's drink rum and eggnog until it comes out of our noses" party, if memory serves correctly. Also at this party were my best friend, Badass Bitch (I love you, girl!); The Jolly Green Giant (she is very tall, and I do believe that this is one of her official nicknames); and The Diva (not because she was a bitch or anything, she just had the "I'm here" attitude).

 

 

 

Punky, Badass Bitch, Me, Jolly Green Giant, Diva

(With the exception of Badass, I doubt that any of us were ever that skinny or chesty, but it's nice to pretend! And, yes, I did wear mom jeans, even then.)

Anyway, After many drinks, it was suggested that we sing karaoke on the Xbox or something. In my drunken state, I agreed that this sounded like fun. Now, to most people this would be fun... but to sober me, this would have been a fate worse than death. You see, in high school, my singing was described as "a cat in heat being butt-fucked while dying."

Now, why I thought I could do this while, *ahem*, influenced is beyond me. When my turn came up, I picked "Hot Stuff" by Donna Summer. I remember thinking that it was a Rod Stewart song for some reason. So I stood up and sang my heart out.

LAAAAAaaaaaaaaAAAA!

After I finished my spectaculously craptastic drunken solo, Diva turns to me and says "Katie, you need to stop trying to be black!" She says this just as I started to take a drink of my rum and eggnog. I laughed so hard, I shot my drink out of my nose and it landed about 6 feet away on Punky's bedroom carpet.

Poor Punky, she had no idea she would be the master of foreshadowing that night. When she moved a year or so later, she confided in me that she still couldn't get the stain out.

The point of this story is that I thought I would never find someone who sings nearly as badly as I did that day. Today, I have been proven wrong. I listened to Kim Kardashian's "Jam". Holey moley!

I have provided a chart to help you understand just how much it sucks:

I have left a lot of gaps so you can fill in your own, taste is subjective, after all!

In case you don't believe me, or just want to assault your eardrums for fun and profit, you can listen to it HERE! 


Most of all, I want to thank you, Kim Kardashian, for making me feel like I suck a little less!

Taylor Swift Justice, the New Hit Crime Show

I know it's been a while since I've posted, I'll update y'all with some real news soon, I promise.

BUUUUUUT I found this tonight while messing around on YouTube:

*giggles*